Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
