I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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