I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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