On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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