The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize