please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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