I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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