how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
