I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
