I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn