She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.