yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I licked your asshole in confidence.