Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?