Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize