i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm experimenting with sincerity
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
