You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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