I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.