I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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