They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i drank out of a bidet.
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Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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