i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
