May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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