Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
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I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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