haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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