So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
