Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
