Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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