I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
