Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
