eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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