I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I party with great urgency now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
