I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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