Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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