I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.