Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.