If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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