She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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