i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
