I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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