Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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