please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
