He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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