woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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