Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have post one night stand depression
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