I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
