he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
