There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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