Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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