maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
