smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.