Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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