Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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