I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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