I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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