thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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